


Stuck

by 27summer



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 14:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1821982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27summer/pseuds/27summer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Faberry Week Day 7 Nightmares. Quinn thought her worst nightmare was watching the love of her life marry someone else but it was actually watching Rachel be stuck in the life she thought she’d always have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuck

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for 4x14 On My Way but AU after that. Quinn makes it to the wedding.

Sometimes it seemed like Quinn’s entire life was full of nightmares. It started when she was born, the ugly ducking born into a family full of beautiful swans. Again at 12 years old, thinking a simple surgery would cure all of her problems, when in reality it only brought new ones. There was being 15, lying beneath a heavy body that should feel right but didn’t. And a month later, staring at the stick that confirmed her pregnancy. Getting kicked out of her parents’ house. And of course, the day she actually gave Beth away. There were even little ones, losing Prom Queen, getting dumped at a funeral. For years, she had thought the worst nightmare was being 17 and watching the love of her life marry someone else. But that wasn’t the worst.

No, the worst was being 26 and running into the love of your life in a grocery store in Lima, Ohio. The girl you thought would be a star was living the life you had been terrified of having for yourself. Instead of taking Broadway by storm, Rachel Berry was the mother of two. And Quinn felt her heart break in half for the second time in her life.

“Hi, Rachel.” Quinn stared in shock at Rachel, who was holding the hand of a little boy while a little girl tugged impatiently on her skirt.

“Hi, Quinn.” Rachel smiled hesitantly before looking down at her daughter. “No, Lila, I already told you we’re not getting ice cream today.”

“But Mom-”

“No.” Rachel turned back to Quinn. “Sorry, this is my daughter, Lila, and my son, Billy. Kids, this is Quinn Fabray. She’s one of my oldest friends.”

Lila stuck her lip out. “If she’s one of your friends, how come we never met her before?”

“Lila, that’s very rude.”

“No, it’s all right.” Quinn knelt down to Lila’s level, looking her in the eyes. “I used to live here a long time ago but I moved away. But I never stopped thinking about your mom. She’s one of the best people I know.”

“Yeah, Mommy’s the best!” Billy stuck his hand out for Quinn to shake. “It’s nice to meet you, Quinn.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too.” Quinn shook Billy’s hand, utterly charmed.

“Always so polite, Billy.” Rachel helped Quinn up, holding onto her hand a little longer than necessary. “It’s good to see you. What are you doing back in Lima?”

“My mom’s moving in with my sister and selling the house. I’m here to pack things up.” Quinn squeezed Rachel’s hand before letting go.

“Oh, I heard she was sick. I’m sorry.”

“It’s- it’s not too bad. She’s got a good prognosis, she just gets tired easily and needs someone with her. I can’t, so Frannie stepped up.” Quinn tried to seem casual but was certain she didn’t succeed. “But anyway, how are you doing? The last time we talked, you’d just had Lila. It’s been a long time.”

“Yeah.” Rachel sighed, patting both her son and daughter on the shoulder. “We’ve both been had pretty demanding lives. I guess it’s hard once you leave high school.”

“Right.” Quinn averted her eyes. She didn’t want Rachel to know the real reason she didn’t keep in touch, which basically boiled down to her being a selfish bitch that couldn’t stand to watch Rachel start a family with Finn and be stuck in Lima forever.

“Mom, I want to go. I want to get my chores done before the Reds game,” Lila interrupted. She frowned at Quinn, not liking the way she looked at her mom.

“I’d better let you go. Maybe we could meet up before I have to go back to New York,” Quinn said, not anxious for her time with Rachel to end. She knew it was a bad idea but she never could resist spending time with her, even when it caused her pain.

“That sounds really nice.” Rachel smiled. “It’s pizza night at our house tonight. Why don’t you come over around seven?”

“Okay.” Quinn smiled back, even as she groaned inwardly at the thought of seeing Finn playing happy family with Rachel. Even now, she’d do just about anything Rachel asked of her. “I’ll see you then.”

“I’ll see you.” Rachel watched as Quinn walked away, a skip in her step.

\---------------------

This was so incredibly stupid, Quinn thought to herself, shifting the bag in her hand from one hand to another as she waited for Rachel to open the door. Why would she torture herself like this? Seeing Rachel and Finn together would be more than she could take. But she had said yes before she really had a chance to think about it. And she didn’t want to disappoint Rachel. Plus, she did want to get to know the kids better. She’d only had a few minutes to meet them and she wanted more. Who was she kidding? It had been eight years since she’d seen Rachel in person and she was still a fool for her.

“Hi.” Rachel opened the door, a wide smile on her face. “What’s that?”

“Oh. I heard you talking to the kids and I brought dessert. Chocolate and Strawberry ice cream.” Quinn followed Rachel inside. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, it’s sweet.” Rachel took the ice cream from her and stuck it in the freezer. “You came just in time. The pizza got here a few minutes ago.”

“Perfect.” Quinn sat down at the table where Rachel gestured, absently drumming her fingers. She didn’t know what to say. She was still hopelessly awkward around her.

“I- I’ll go grab the kids and we can it.”

“Sounds good.” Quinn stared after Rachel when she left before looking around the kitchen. It was small but nice, just like the rest of the house. It was obvious that Rachel and Finn worked hard to provide for their kids. And they were so proud. Pictures of them had lined the hallway as she walked in. There were messily scribbled drawings hanging on the refrigerator. It was the average, ordinary life that Quinn had always assumed she would grow up to have. It seemed wrong that this was the life that Rachel was living. But really, who was she to judge? She hadn’t seen Rachel in so long. How would she know what made her happy anymore?

“Hi, Quinn. Pizza’s my favorite. Do you like pizza?” Billy climbed on the chair next to Quinn’s, staring at her intently.

“Yes, I love it.” Quinn grinned at the curly haired little boy. She’d barely spent any time with him but she could see Rachel all over him. Not just his hair and eye color and size but the dramatic way he talked and the hopeful look in his eyes. Quinn’s heart clenched just looking at him.

“Who doesn’t like pizza?” Lila sat across from them, glaring at her little brother.

“Not many people, that’s for sure,” Quinn joked, hoping to keep the peace while Rachel dished out their food. Lila was quite obviously Rachel’s kid as well. She had the height of her father but she had the same dark hair and eyes as Rachel. She clearly spoke her mind and wasn’t afraid to make a scene to get what she wanted.

“Do you like baseball, Quinn?” Lila asked, a stern look on her face.

“I do. I don’t watch it all the time but I’ve been to a few games before,” Quinn answered, correctly assuming that the question was some sort of test to determine her worthiness.

“Really? Me and Lila got to go to a Reds game with Daddy last week!” Billy grabbed Quinn’s arm in excitement.

“Wow, that’s terrific. Did you have fun, Lila?” Quinn smiled at Billy before turning to Lila, hoping to engage her. As silly as it seemed, she really wanted Rachel’s kids to like her. She knew there was no way she could have Rachel in her life if they didn’t. Of course, having a married Rachel in her life probably wasn’t the smartest course of action. But she was never too smart when it came to Rachel.

Try as she might, Lila couldn’t keep the smile off of her face. “Yeah! There were so many people and Daddy bought us hot dogs and he took us early and we got autographs!”

“Oh, my goodness. That sounds awesome.”

Rachel set down plates in front of the kids. “Yeah, these two love watching baseball with their dad. I didn’t know you were a fan, Quinn.”

“Like I said before, I don’t watch it all the time, but when I have the chance, it’s nice.” Quinn looked down at the plate Rachel gave her. “Wow, quite a selection here.”

“I wasn’t sure what you like so I gave you one of each. My cheese pizza, the kids’ pineapple, pepperoni, and olive, and I got a supreme pizza just in case you didn’t like what we get.” Rachel glanced down, suddenly shy.

“It’s fine. I’m not too picky.” Quinn took a bit of her pizza and decided to bring up the topic she’d been avoiding. It would do her no good to pretend that Finn didn’t exist. “So, where’s Finn? I haven’t seen him in a while, either.”

Both kids looked uncomfortable and Rachel shook her head, gesturing for Quinn to drop it. “He drives a truck now. He won’t be back for two weeks.”

“Oh.” Quinn bit her tongue, wondering why she always screwed things up with Rachel. She was an expert at being friendly and pleasant with people who didn’t matter, why couldn’t she be comfortable with the one person who did?

They ate silently for several minutes. Quinn tried desperately to think of something to break the uneasiness but she couldn’t make herself speak. She knew she’d ruined things with Rachel’s kids and Rachel probably just wanted her gone. Rachel would kick her out as soon as she got the chance. She was so into her recriminations that she missed Billy talking to her. “Oh, I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“I wanted to know if you were a teacher, too. Mommy’s a music teacher, did you know that?” Billy looked at Quinn with wide eyes and she could have kissed him in relief.

“Yeah, I heard your mom was a teacher.” Quinn shared a look with Rachel, glad to see she was looking happier. “But I’m not. I’m an actress.”

“On Broadway?” Billy’s eyes got even wider and Quinn thought she might have found the way into his heart.

“I was supposed do a play during my hiatus but it fell through.” Quinn smiled regretfully at Billy. “I’m on a TV show. I think it might be a little grown up for you two, though.”

“It most definitely is.” Rachel shared a smile with Quinn. “But I like it a lot.”

Quinn felt warm and attempted to control her blush. “You watch it?”

“Yeah, every Tuesday night. You’re wonderful.”

“Thanks.” This time, Quinn couldn’t hide her red face.

“So me and Billy can’t watch your show?” Lila asked. “That’s no fun. What’s the point of knowing someone famous if you can’t see anything of them?”

“Lila Carol Hudson. That is rude. Apologize to Quinn right now.” Rachel turned red at her daughter’s behavior but Quinn laughed it off.

“No, no. It’s fine. But I do have this Disney movie coming out in the fall. It’s an animated movie so you have guys should be able to see it.” Quinn smiled at Lila, hoping this would be an olive branch to the girl.

“Do you sing?” Billy asked eagerly.

“No. There’s singing in the movie but everyone’s spared my singing voice.”

“Don’t say that. I always loved your voice,” Rachel said warmly.

“No, you didn’t. I never sang as well as you did,” Quinn teased.

“Of course not. But I did like to hear you sing.”

“Well, maybe next time. There could always be a sequel.” Quinn shrugged her shoulders. “But in this movie, Princess Penny doesn’t sing.”

“Quinn Fabray, are you a Disney princess?” Rachel asked, a smirk on her face.

“I am,” Quinn admitted bashfully. “I know, it’s so cliché, right?”

“Yeah, but it suits you perfectly.”

“Thanks.” Quinn looked down at her plate. She always felt a million different things when she was around Rachel but the thing she always felt the most was self-conscious. Rachel said all these great things about her and she really believed them. It made Quinn want to do better so that she could prove that Rachel was right about her.

“Hey, Mom, it’s 7. Can we go watch the game?” Lila asked, putting her plate into the kitchen sink. “We already did our chores today.”

Rachel nodded. “That’s fine. I’ll bring you some of the ice cream that Quinn brought you. Say thanks to her.”

“Thanks.” Billy looked up at Quinn. “You’re very nice.”

“It was no problem, Billy.” Quinn watched as they left the room. “They’re great, Rachel.”

“They are,” Rachel agreed. “Don’t be fooled, though. They fight all the time and are extremely stubborn. Plus, both of them have a hard time keeping their mouths closed.”

“Just like their mother, huh?” Quinn laughed as she helped Rachel get rid of the remnants of their dinner. It was nice just to be hanging around Rachel. She didn’t want it to end.

“Pretty much.” Rachel turned back to Quinn, a fond look on her face. “Do you have to go or can you hang out for awhile?”

“I’ve got all the time in the world,” Quinn said honestly.

“Great. I’ll get the kids their ice cream and we can go sit on the porch.”

“That sounds like fun.” Quinn took a deep breath, hoping that Rachel wouldn’t notice how much she wanted to spend time with her. She was greedy, she wanted it all, she wanted to enjoy this time with Rachel without Finn around. She was setting herself up for a fall but like always, she couldn’t help it. Rachel was worth it.

\---------------------

Quinn watched, feeling completely content as Rachel walked back outside. Sitting out here, talking with her, it truly was all she ever wanted. And sure, she was fooling herself, acting as if she were the one who had this life with Rachel but it was a taste of something she wanted badly. “So? How are the kids?”

“Lila’s still watching the game. Billy fell asleep. I knew he would. He loves baseball but can’t quite manage to stay up late, even now in the summer.” Rachel smiled.

“Oh.” Quinn nodded. As much as she enjoyed pretending, she still felt awkward. She wanted it to be easy with Rachel but she had all of these remainders that Rachel wasn’t hers. “Finn must really like that the kids are into sports.”

“He does,” Rachel said, her smile fading. “I should explain about the kids’ reaction earlier. I know you didn’t understand.”

“It’s no problem. I guess it’s difficult with Finn out of town so much.” Quinn was curious about what happened but she didn’t really want to hear about Finn.

“No, actually. Finn being gone is easy, it’s everything else that’s a problem.” Rachel blew out a breath. “I don’t want to dump all my problems on you but it’s actually hard to explain without telling everything.”

“Hey, no. I’m here for you, whatever you need.” Quinn reached out and took her hands.

“I just- It’s hard to talk about. Especially with you since we haven’t talked to each other in so long.” Rachel held up her hands to stop any apologies Quinn wanted to make. “It’s okay. I’m not angry, not everyone stays friends with the people from high school.”

“Still, I’m sorry. I didn’t want us to drift apart. I just couldn’t talk to you,” Quinn said quietly, remembering how awful she felt when she got the news that Rachel was pregnant. She’d wanted to be there for her but she was furious that Rachel had allowed Finn to keep her tied to Ohio. Not to mention the fact that it had been absolute agony knowing that she’d lost her chance with Rachel. She’d thought the wedding had snuffed out any dreams of being with her but it wasn’t until the pregnancy that she truly realized it was never going to happen for them.

“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m so used to everyone knowing my business that it’s hard to talk to someone who doesn’t.” Rachel chuckled darkly. “I think our parents knew our marriage was over before Finn and I did.”

“Over? You’re not married anymore?” Quinn’s heart beat madly in her chest. She thought she might just be having a stroke.

“No. You were right, everyone was right. We never should have gotten married. We were too young.” Rachel freed one of her hands and rubbed her face. “It fell apart almost immediately after graduation. I kept trying to make plans for us to move to New York the next year but Finn didn’t really want to leave. He liked working for Burt, he was good at it. But I knew I couldn’t stay. I hated living here. I wanted to perform. I started to think that I’d have to leave, even without Finn. I even asked my dads if they would support me if we got divorced and I wanted to move.”

“Why didn’t you? I- At graduation, you promised me you wouldn’t let anything keep you from Broadway. I don’t understand why you’re still here.”

“I got pregnant.” Rachel couldn’t meet Quinn’s eyes. “God, I’d planned out the ultimatum I was going to give Finn and then the stick turned pink. I couldn’t justify leaving him anymore. Or even the both of us moving to New York. Can you imagine two teenagers and a baby with no money in that big city?”

“Oh, Rachel.”

“Don’t- I don’t need you to feel sorry for me. It was my fault. I was the one who was so scared of my future, I clung to someone I knew didn’t want the same things I did.” Rachel shook her head. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. I don’t regret having them.”

“I know that. Rachel, of course I know that. It’s completely obvious whenever you talk about them.” Quinn tipped Rachel’s chin so that she would look at her. “I know we haven’t talked in a long time but just seeing you with them for this short time- You adore them and they adore you. You’re a good mom.”

“Thank you.” Rachel looked up at the sky. “I need to hear that. I do the best I can but sometimes, it’s hard. My dads are there for me and Finn’s parents, too, but I’m all alone a lot of time. It feels like I’m doing this by myself.”

“Why- why is Finn driving a truck? It seems like you’d have more help if he weren’t gone so much.” Quinn stopped, feeling she overstepped. “I don’t mean to bad mouth him but-”

“It’s fine.” Rachel attempted a smile. “Driving a truck is good money and he likes it. He started doing it after we filed for divorce. He thought it would be easier to be away from the kids if it was because of his job and not because of the divorce.”

“Oh. I guess that makes sense.”

“Yeah. Plus, Finn and I really do get along much better when we don’t have to see each other all the time. And it’s better for the kids, too. The days of the month he’s here, they get all of his attention. It’s been almost two years since the divorce was finalized and we got a routine down. They miss him, of course, but they’re happy. At least, I think they are.” Rachel looked down at her feet.

“Hey, it seems like they are. I mean, I know I hardly know them but they seem all right.” Quinn nudged her shoulder.

“Thanks. You know, I didn’t intend to dump all my problems on you. I really wanted this to be a fun night of us catching up on these lost years.”

Quinn risked putting an arm around Rachel’s waist, thrilled when she snuggled into her. “That’s what we’re doing. Your family is a big part of your life since graduation. I like hearing you talk about anything. Plus, it’s not as if my life is all that exciting.”

“You live in New York, you’re on a TV show. That’s kind of a big deal.” Rachel rolled her eyes at Quinn’s modesty.

“It’s really not. I enjoy what I do but I kind of just fell into it.” Quinn looked at Rachel and found her staring at her expectantly. “I moved to New York after I graduated for Yale because I like the East coast. Everyone kept telling me that I was meant for L.A. but it didn’t seem right. I started auditioning and I got one to play a dead body on the pilot for my show. The director liked me and decided to cast me as the young, idealist ADA. It was just dumb luck.”

“No,” Rachel said quietly. “You were in the right place at the right time. I’ve seen your show, Quinn. You’re quite talented.”

“Uh, thanks.” Quinn knew she was blushing and was glad it was too dark for Rachel to see every detail on her face. “I like what I’m doing, even if it is just another crime show.”

“It’s one of the most watched shows on TV,” Rachel pointed out. “Plus, it’s opening you up for other work. Like that Disney movie you mentioned. Or that HBO movie you had a small part in. That- that was pretty revealing.”

“Nice joke.” Quinn turned even redder at the reminder of the movie where she played a drugged addicted stripper who went topless for a scene. “I can’t believe you watched it.”

“I’ve seen everything you’ve done. You’re a wonderful actress, Quinn. I’m so proud of you.” Rachel smiled at the shy look on Quinn’s face. “Don’t try to hide. You should show off, you’re probably the most famous person from Lima.”

“That doesn’t say much.”

“No, it doesn’t. But you can do anything. I’ve always thought that. Even in high school.”

Quinn pursed her lips, a little unsure of how to respond. “You were always the only one who did. Most everyone thought I was just a pretty face, but you thought I was more.”

“Of course you were more, you graduated from Yale.” Rachel scoffed. “Those people don’t matter anymore.”

“I know that. But you do.” Quinn tucked some hair behind Rachel’s ear, allowing her touch to linger a little longer than appropriate. “I’m really glad I ran into you, Rachel. I wanted to look you up but I was little worried you wouldn’t want to see me.”

“Why not? We were friends. Just because we drifted apart, it doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you. I never stopped.” Rachel smiled at her.

“You’re so sweet. And forgiving. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. We didn’t drift apart. I stopped talking to you.” Quinn groaned. “I was so selfish. I knew you needed me but I abandoned you because of my own pain.”

“What pain? I don’t understand.”

Quinn stood up, needing room to pace a little bit. She hadn’t intended to bring this up but she could never stop herself around Rachel. She always said more than she meant to. “I thought it was bad when you married Finn but when I found out you were pregnant, it just about killed me. It- it meant it was too late.”

“Too late?” Rachel asked. “Did- You and Finn-”

“No. No, no, no.” Quinn interrupted her before she could finish her question. “It wasn’t Finn. Not then. Sometimes, I think it was never about Finn.”

Quinn watched at the wheels turned in Rachel’s mind and she could almost physically see the moment when it clicked for her. “It wasn’t Finn, it was me.”

“Yes.” Quinn held her breath as she waited for Rachel to respond. God, why did she do that? Why couldn’t she keep her mouth shut? She’d just gotten Rachel back into her life and now she’d shoved her away. They’d never be friends again after this.

“Oh. I- I never knew that.”

“I know. I couldn’t tell you. I know you never felt the same. I tried to ignore it, I did, but once you were pregnant- I just couldn’t play the supportive friend anymore. Do you understand? Does that make sense?” Quinn pleaded with Rachel, hoping desperately that she wouldn’t cut her off completely.

“It does. I understand. It did hurt me but now that I know why, it feels better.” Rachel smiled tentatively at her. “I’m not angry with you. It actually explains a lot about high school. It makes a lot of sense.”

“I guess so.” Quinn noticed Rachel didn’t mention anything about the feelings she had for her now. Maybe she didn’t realize that it wasn’t just high school, that she still had feelings for her. “So, we can still hang out?”

“Yes, of course.” Rachel jumped and embraced her. “Quinn, I’d never turn you away because of this. I care about you so much.”

“Me, too.” Quinn closed her eyes and sank into Rachel’s body. Maybe it was too much but she couldn’t stop herself. Having Rachel wrapped around her was all she ever wanted for so long. She couldn’t deny herself this one pleasure. Especially when she didn’t know if she’d ever have the chance to hold her again.

“We’re good. I promise.” Rachel rested her head on Quinn’s shoulder, rubbing circles along her back. “We’ll always be good.”

After a few minutes of unadulterated joy, Quinn made herself pull back. She met Rachel’s eyes with her own and smiled. “Listen, I’d probably better go. This has been a long night and we could both use some time to think.”

“You’re probably right,” Rachel conceded. “Do you think we could hang out again this week? I could help you pack up your mom’s place.”

“That sounds nice. I’ll give you a call, okay?” Quinn asked.

“Yeah, okay.” Rachel took Quinn’s hand and walked with her out to her car. “Thank you for coming tonight. I really had a good time.”

“I did, too. Thanks for having me.” Quinn smiled at Rachel one last time for getting in her car and driving off. It was difficult for her to leave but she forced herself to go before she revealed even more of her feelings to Rachel. She hadn’t lost her friendship. She needed to find away to be all right with that.

\------------------------

Quinn had truly planned on waiting a few days to call Rachel, wanting give things a chance to settle down. But she had been all alone in her mother’s house, surrounded by memories, and it became too much. She had too much time to think and she started to wallow. She knew she needed to get out of her head and Rachel was the one person who always managed to keep her grounded. So she called her and asked if she wanted to come over. And now Quinn waited anxiously for Rachel, wondering if she could mange to control herself for once.

The door bell rang and Quinn rushed to the door, grinning at Rachel. “Hi.”

“Hi. I’m glad you called. The kids are spending the day with my dads and I’m all alone at my house.” Rachel followed Quinn into the living room, taking a seat next to her on the couch. “I could use some company.”

“Well, it’s not a free ride, I’m putting you to work,” Quinn teased, pulling Rachel up and into one of the guest rooms.

“Oh, I can handle it. I’ve got two kids, I’m sure I’ve seen bigger messes then you’ve got.” Rachel looked around the room. “Let’s get to work.”

“You know, I can actually do this myself. If you want to watch a movie or talk or just hang out, we can do that.” Quinn looked at Rachel, trying to decipher why she was here. They hadn’t seen each other in so long. Why was she so willing to spend time with her. It made absolutely no sense.

“No, I’m happy to help.” Rachel smiled ruefully. “It’s good to spend time with someone who hasn’t been around for the mess I’ve made of my life.”

“It’s not a mess. Your kids are great. You’ve got a nice house. A lot of people would give anything to have your life,” Quinn trailed off, once again realizing that Rachel was living the life she’d always thought she would get stuck with.

“It’s not a bad life, it’s just not the life I always wanted.” Rachel shrugged. “I guess I’m grateful that you’re not saying I told you so.”

“Rachel, no.” Quinn crossed the room to reach out for her.

“Come on, Quinn. I ended up stuck here, just like you said I would. It’s a little bit of poetic justice.” Rachel snarled.

“No, I don’t feel like that at all.” Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel. “I just want you to have everything you want it doesn’t seem like you do.”

“Nothing feels right here. I’m happy with the kids but I’m so lonely.” Rachel faltered, resting her head in the crock of Quinn’s neck. “There’s nobody I can talk to. Most of my friends here are satisfied with their lives, Finn and I limit our contact to the kids and my dads- They’re so disappointed in my life. I was supposed to get out of here, be on Broadway. Instead, I’m just a Lima Loser.”

“I’m sure they don’t think that,” Quinn whispered, rubbing circles on her back.

“No, they do. They adore Lila and Billy but they can’t believe that I didn’t make it out of here.” Rachel leaned even closer to Quinn.

“I’m sorry.” Quinn was at a total loss for words. She wanted to make it better but she had no idea of what she could do.

“It’s not like you did anything.”

“I know but-” Quinn knew what she wanted to say but hesitated. She didn’t want to make things complicated between them. “Rachel, why are you still here?”

“What?” Rachel lifted her head up.

“You can teach music anywhere. It’s not like you have to worry about taking the kids from Finn. He could visit them wherever you live. If you’re so miserable here, why don’t you leave?” Quinn asked, hoping she hadn’t overstepped.

“I can’t. I’m too old to start over somewhere else.”

Quinn rolled her eyes. “You’re 25 years old. That’s still young. You could do whatever you want. You just have to take that risk.”

“I can’t take the kids away from everything they’ve ever known. Especially just because I’m unhappy. A parent is supposed to put their kids ahead of everything else.” Rachel seemed sure of herself but Quinn could see some hesitancy there.

“I don’t think your kids will be happy if you’re not happy. You can’t sacrifice your life for your kids. That doesn’t make sense,” Quinn said, hoping she wasn’t pushing too hard.

“What would you know about being a parent?” Rachel snapped.

“Oh. Wow.” Quinn swallowed hard, blinking back the tears that sprang to her eyes.

“Quinn, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” Rachel reached out for Quinn but the other girl shook her head and backed up.

“No. you’re right. I don’t know what it’s like to be a parent. I shouldn’t say anything.” Quinn walked across the room, turning back away from Rachel.

“Quinn, please,” Rachel pleaded.

“No, don’t worry about it. You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.” Quinn paused, giving herself a chance to collect herself. She turned back to Rachel and forced a smile. “Let’s just drop it. We hardly know each other now. We shouldn’t pretend like we do.”

“You don’t have to do this. I’m the one who made a mistake-” Rachel cut herself off when Quinn held her hands up.

“I just don’t want to talk about any of this. Let’s just forget it.” Quinn picked up an empty box. “If you don’t want to help, it’s fine. I can do this myself.”

“No, I want to help. I want us to be friends.” Rachel looked at her anxiously.

Quinn nodded. “Me, too. Maybe we should not talk about difficult things for a while.”

“Maybe.” Rachel went to help Quinn and they worked together silently for a long time.

\-------------------

Over the next few weeks, Quinn and Rachel spent a lot of time together. They worked on packing up the house, hung out with Rachel’s kids and just had fun together. They made sure to avoid anything that might cause trouble between them, even as Quinn got a glimpse of Rachel’s life and how isolated she was. It seemed unbelievable for Rachel to be stuck in Lima like half of the people they went to school with. Rachel could do something more and Quinn wanted to prove that to her but she also wanted to keep Rachel in her life. She knew that bringing that up with Rachel would only start an argument. And she couldn’t handle that. Because sure enough, spending all this time with Rachel had only caused her to fall deeper for her. The feelings she’d had for her as a teenager were growing stronger. As much as Rachel had grown up, the rambling and enthusiastic girl she known back in high school was still there. And Quinn was still crazy about her. She knew it would only lead to trouble but she couldn’t break it off. It didn’t matter that Quinn’s heart would break when returned to New York and had to be without Rachel again. She would enjoy all the time she had with Rachel until it was gone. She was a masochist but she’d deal with it.

\------------------

Quinn and Rachel were in the pool with Lila and Billy. Quinn had to drain it before the move so she wanted to enjoy one last swim before she had to leave. Plus, the view of Rachel in a tiny black bikini wasn’t too bad either. Quinn forced her gaze away from Rachel and focused on what Lila was telling her. “Yeah, go ahead, Sweetie. You can jump in. Just don’t dive.”

“Hee!” Lila jumped into the pool, laughing as she splashed in the water. “That was fun!”

“It is.” Quinn pushed wet hair off of Lila’s face. “You’re a good swimmer.”

“Daddy takes us swimming all the time.” Lila grinned. “But I’m better than Billy.”

“I can splash better!” Billy shouted, kicking water at Lila.

“Watch it, Dork!” Lila splashed him back.

“Hey, no horse play in the pool,” Quinn said but the kids kept splashing each other.

“Knock it off! Whoa!” Rachel slipped, taking in a mouthful of water.

“Are you okay?” Quinn grabbed Rachel’s arm, keeping her steady.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Rachel nodded before turning to her kids. “That’s why Quinn said not to play around in the pool. Someone could get hurt.”

“Sorry, Mommy.” Billy gave her a hug.

“I’m sorry, too.” Lila looked at Quinn. “Do you forgive me, Quinn?”

“Of course, Sweetie.” Quinn poked her in the nose. “Why don’t you go play in the shallow end for a while?”

Rachel watched as the kids splashed their way across the pool. “Thanks for having us over. It’s really fun. Even if my children are heathens.”

Quinn shook her head, grinning widely. “They’re not. They’re just a little wild.”

“Maybe. But it’s good to get them outside. They’d play all the time if I let them but it’s just too hot.” Rachel shared a smile with Quinn.

“I’m happy to have you guys here. They’re good kids.” Quinn pointed at Billy directing his sister to watch him. “Billy’s always performing, huh?”

“He is. He loves anything that puts him in the center of attention. Singing, dancing, acting. Ever since he was old enough to watch Funny Girl with me, he wanted to be on stage.” Rachel looked wistful. “It’s nice to have a little bit of that still in my life.”

Quinn glanced back and forth between them but bit back the comment about Rachel performing that she wanted to make. “Are you teaching him everything you know?”

“Nope. My dads are paying for his voice and dance classes.” Rachel smiled at Billy’s antics. “I don’t want it to be a teacher/student thing between us. I want performing to be something we both love.”

“That’s probably a good idea. But Lila doesn’t want lessons?”

“Uh-uh. She’ll sing along to the radio but she’d much rather be playing sports than anything else. She’s a Daddy’s girl definitely.” Rachel laughed. “It’s actually nice that they have different interests. It prevents them from competing too much.”

“Finn must love it, talking sports with Lila.” Quinn noticed Rachel’s smile dimmed. “What the matter?”

Rachel sighed. “It’s really nothing. You’re right. He and Lila get along so well. It’s Billy that he’s not really close to.”

Quinn frowned. “Why not? He can talk music with him.”

“He could. It’s just- he’s so worried Billy’s going to get picked on. He wishes Billy would act like all the other boys.” Rachel glanced away, pushing the hair out of her eyes. “Billy wants so badly to please his father but he doesn’t like to play sports. He loves to watch baseball and that helps but Finn lets himself become focused on what other people will think. He doesn’t consider what Billy thinks.”

“Oh. I don’t know what to say to that.” Quinn looked at her worriedly. She wanted so badly to make things better but this wasn’t something she could fix.

“There’s really nothing to say,” Rachel said, a sad smile on her face. “It’s not like Finn’s a bad father, he just want to protect the kids. He’s not totally wrong. Billy is going to get picked on when he’s older. It’s gotten better but this is still Lima, Ohio.”

Quinn wants again had to force herself not to say anything about how Rachel didn’t have to stay in Lima. “What can I do?”

“Just listening to me is good.” Rachel patted her shoulder. “I don’t exactly have a lot of people I can talk to about this. My dads would be furious. They’d go off on Finn.”

“Well, you know, anytime you need someone, I’ll be here.” Quinn grabbed the hand on her shoulder and brought it to her lips.

“Th-Thanks,” Rachel stuttered, a flush coming over her body.

“No problem.” Quinn looked in Rachel’s eyes, which were brimming with something she’d never seen before. It would be so easy to pull her close and kiss her senseless. She wanted to but she figured Rachel probably didn’t. She finally had her in her life and she would fall apart if she had a taste of Rachel only to lose her.

“Quinn,” Rachel whispered, her eyes dropping to Quinn’s lips.

“Rachel.” Quinn couldn’t keep her eyes of Rachel but she couldn’t make a move, either. She was waiting on the other woman to decide what to do.

I- I want-” Rachel wiped water off of Quinn’s face, her touch lingering. “Water might get into your eye.”

“Oh.” Quinn stood still as Rachel moved closer to her. She nearly jumped out of her skin when Rachel’s hands went to her waist.

“I think we should-”

“Mom, Quinn! What are you doing?” They jumped apart when Billy yelled at them.

“Nothing,” Quinn said, back away further. She needed room to think. She couldn’t breathe that close to Rachel.

“You want us to come play with you?” Rachel asked, looking uneasy.

“Yes!”

“I guess our talk time’s over.” Quinn smiled awkwardly, taking in Rachel’s heavt breathing. Did she feel as worked up as Quinn or was she projecting her feelings all over Rachel? “We’ll talk later.”

\----------------------

Several hours later, Quinn and Rachel sat next to each other, both trying to pretend they were interested in the movie on the television. The kids had fallen asleep and they were completely alone for the first time since their moment in the pool. The tension between them was thick enough to cut. Finally, Quinn blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. “Billy and Lila are wiped out, huh?”

“Yeah, they wore themselves out,” Rachel said with a relieved smile. “Thanks for today.”

“It was fun for me, too. I love spending time with you guys. I’m going to miss you when I go back.”

“It’s been so good having you here, I’d almost forgotten you’d be leaving. When do you have to go back?” Rachel asked.

“I’ve got to get back by the end of July because shooting starts for the new season. I’d planned to rush through packing and get back sooner but I’ve found I’m not really in a hurry to leave.” Quinn shrugged, trying to seem more causal than she actually felt.

“You don’t want to leave,” Rachel repeated, meeting Quinn’s eyes.

“No. I never imagined I’d feel anything coming back here but you and the kids- This has been the best time of my life.”

“Oh, Quinn. I-” Rachel’s eyes darkened with the same feelings they’d had earlier in the afternoon when they were in the pool.

“Y-yes?” Quinn swallowed hard, trying to keep her face dispassionate. She didn’t know what to do with Rachel looking at her like that. She still couldn’t make the first move. It was reckless and she couldn’t risk her heart like that.

“I want- I- Oh, hell.” Rachel leaned over, attaching her lips to Quinn’s. After a brief moment of caution, Quinn kissed back. She poured years of pent up longing into that kiss. She knew she should pull away and question Rachel but she couldn’t. This might be the only time she ever got kiss her and she was going to enjoy it. In every fantasy she’d ever had, Rachel had never been the one to initiate a kiss. She’d never dreamed that Rachel would touch her this way. It was heaven. She was in heaven.

“Heaven, huh?” Rachel pulled back, placing teasing kisses on Quinn’s lips.

“Did I say that out loud?” Quinn asked, closing her eyes in embarrassment.

“You did. And it was sweet.” Rachel kissed all over her face. “Open your eyes, Quinn. Nothing’s wrong. It’s okay.”

“Is it? Because we’ve been such good friends and I had to go and ruin it.”

“I kissed you. You didn’t ruin anything.” Rachel held Quinn’s face in her hands. “And this has been building since you came back to Lima. I wanted you and I couldn’t resist anymore.”

Quinn finally opened her eyes, surprised once again by what she saw in Rachel’s. “You want me? For real?”

“I do.” Rachel caressed Quinn’s face. “I know this isn’t a long time thing. I live here and you live in New York. But right now, I want you.”

Quinn steadied Rachel, weighing her options. She knew this was a bad idea but now that she’d had a taste of Rachel, she couldn’t bear to let her go. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Rachel repeated, a mile blossoming on her face.

“Okay.” Quinn kissed her, intent on enjoying herself for as long as she could.

\-------------

There was silence in the room as Quinn laid on her side in her teenage bedroom. She had spent years fantasizing about having Rachel here but she’d never thought it would happen. Now that it had, she didn’t know what to do with herself. Her heart felt like it would burst. She took a hand and ran it up and down Rachel’s bare back. Rachel smiled sleepily at her and she decided it was time to speak. “Rachel? Are you happy?”

“I am.” Rachel pulled her down for a kiss. “No regrets.”

“Me, either.” Quinn rolled her over, settling her body on top of Rachel’s. “What happens now?”

“I’d like a second go round but we should probably get dressed before the kids wake up.”

“Right.” Quinn cleared her throat, praying she didn’t seem as nervous as she actually felt. “But I mean- What does this mean?”

Rachel rubbed her hands over Quinn’s back. “I told you before that this wouldn’t last. But I care about you. We can continue this as long as you’re here. If that’s something you want.”

“Oh, it is.” Quinn grinned, even though she felt uncertain. “But what happens when I leave? Are we going to forget all about this?”

“Of course not. We’ll stay friends and this will be a wonderful memory.” Rachel pressed her thigh up into Quinn, causing her to groan.

“Oh, that feels good.” Quinn sighed. “We don’t have time for it.”

“I know but maybe tomorrow?” Rachel asked hopefully.

“Sounds good.” Quinn buried her face in Rachel’s neck before she got up and pulled her clothes back on. Doubt filled her body. This wouldn’t end well. She would end up heartbroken and devastated. She’d be all alone in New York with nothing but memories of everything she ever wanted. But she couldn’t turn back. She would have to find a way for this to be enough.

\-----------------------

It was with a heavy heart that Quinn flitted around the mostly empty living room of her mother’s former home. This would be her last night here. She would return to New York and leave what little packing was left to her sister. And maybe she should be upset that she would never again be able to visit the home she grew up in but that wasn’t what she cared about. It was her last night with Rachel and that was the cause of her melancholy. Her time with Rachel had been every bit as amazing as she’d thought it would be. She wasn’t even talking about the sex, although that was mind-blowing. It was everything else that had made these days perfect. They went out to eat, talked about nearly everything and just enjoyed each other. When the kids were around, it was almost as if they were a family. They hadn’t told the kids anything and were careful not to show affection in front of them but it felt like they realized something had changed. The kids seemed to more relaxed around Quinn. And Quinn enjoyed every minute of it. But now, it was over.

The knock on the door lifted Quinn out of her gloomy mood. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Rachel came in, giving Quinn a kiss on the cheek. “Billy’s with my dads and Lila’s at a friend’s house. I’m all yours for tonight.”

“Mmm. I like that.” Quinn bent down, kissing her lightly.

“What’s on for tonight? You said casual so I didn’t dress up.” Rachel frowned as she followed Quinn. “Why’s it so dark? You did remember I was coming, right? I-”

“I hope you don’t think it’s corny. I didn’t want to go out tonight. I wanted you to myself.” Quinn knew she was rambling but she couldn’t stop herself. An at home picnic seemed like a better idea in her head than execution.

“It’s not corny, it’s beautiful.” Rachel looked around the room, taking in the blankets and pillows spread out on the floor and the flickering candles.

“I’m glad you like it. There’s nothing major. I ordered pizza.” Quinn sat down next to Rachel, pressing their legs together.

“Just like our first meal.” Rachel rested her hand on Quinn’s leg and squeezed.

“Yeah. God, that seems like so long ago. I can’t believe how fast this summer has gone by.” Quinn looked up and hoped it wasn’t obvious how near to tears she was.

“I know. This has been the best time of my life.” Rachel laughed. “Can you imagine our teenage selves if they knew that we spent a summer together like this?”

Quinn knew she was turning red this time and prayed it was too dark for Rachel to notice. “I always hoped we’d be close.”

“Me, too.“ Rachel bit her lip. “We haven’t really talked about what you told me that night we fought. You know, about your feelings for me.”

“Oh.” Quinn took a swig of beer, wanting to buy herself a minute. “I was totally crazy about you back then.”

“And now?” Rachel asked, taking the beer from Quinn’s hand and forcing her to look at her. “It just occurred to me that I’ve been very selfish.”

“I don’t understand. What are you talking about?” Quinn looked at her in confusion.

“I kind of pushed you into this. I never asked if you still had feelings for me. I just reveled in our newfound sexual relationship.”

“Well, I never said no. And it’s not like I didn’t enjoy it, either.” Quinn wished the she could get Rachel away from this line of questioning.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Rachel leaned in and stole a kiss. “And you didn’t answer my question. Do still have those feelings for me?”

“That doesn’t really matter, does it? We agreed this was just until I left for New York.”

Rachel nuzzled her way into Quinn’s neck. “I guess I’m just afraid that this whole thing will get complicated and we won’t ever speak again.”

“That won’t happen. I can’t go back to ignoring you again, even if you’re not in my life the way I’d like.” Quinn fell Rachel tense up and pulled back. “What’s wrong?”

Rachel lifted her head so that she could look at Quinn. “You- your feelings for me aren’t in the past, are they? You- You care about me.”

“Rachel, I don’t expect anything. We said this was for the summer and I’m fine with that.” Quinn could feeling herself spinning out of control but couldn’t manage to move.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have-”

“That’s why! You’d have stopped it. You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to.” Quinn cupped Rachel’s face. “This truly was the best time of me life.”

“Oh, Quinn.” Rachel kissed the hand that cupped her face. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“You haven’t. I promise.” Quinn traced Rachel’s lips with her thumb.

“This is your last night. What do you want to do?”

“We spend it together. Then, I go back and we keep in touch and try to go back to being friends. I- I don’t want to lose you or the kids completely. Promise me. I can still talk to you guys.”

“Of course, of course. I don’t want to lose you either and my kids are crazy about you. You’re great with them.” Rachel kissed all over Quinn’s face. “I’d never take you away from them. Not ever.”

“Good. I need them in my life. I need you in my life.” Quinn pressed Rachel back onto the blanket, resting on top of her. “I don’t want this to end.”

“Me, either.” Rachel kissed her eagerly, slipping her hands underneath Quinn’s shirt.

“It doesn’t have to, you know.” Quinn trailed kisses along Rachel’s face until she could nibble on her ear.

“Mmm.” Rachel tilted her head, offering her neck. “What do you mean?”

“You could come to New York,” Quinn said directly into Rachel’s ear.

“Quinn-”

“It would be so good. There are loads of schools. You could teach and maybe even audition,” Quinn implored, wearing her heart on her sleeve.

“Don’t do this, Quinn. My life is here.” Rachel’s eyes started to fill with tears.

“But it doesn’t have to be. You hate it here and the kids are will grow to hate it, too. They would love New York. Can you imagine Lila at a Mets game or Billy seeing a musical on Broadway? It would be incredible.” Quinn knew she was losing her grip on her emotions.

“Lila hates the Mets,” Rachel joked.

“Don’t try to distract me.” Quinn brushed her nose against Rachel’s. “Rachel, we could be together. For real. Don’t you want that?”

“Don’t make me hurt you. I don’t want to.”

“Then, don’t. Think about it.”

Rachel pushed Quinn off of her and sat up. “I can’t up and move my kids because of a summer fling. That’s- that’s foolish.”

“No, what’s foolish is living in a place that sucks your soul out.” Quinn sat up, too, clenching her fists to keep from reaching for Rachel.

“We don’t even know how this would work,” Rachel said quietly. “This has been a great now but we had a time limit. How do we know we’d be okay without that limit? And what about your career? Can you really afford a girlfriend?”

“You’re looking for excuses not to be with me,” Quinn pointed out. “I know this might not work out, no matter how much I want it to.”

“So why are you brining it up? Can’t we just enjoy our last night together?”

“I’d really intended to do that. But I can’t watch you sacrifice yourself to this place.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “You’re being dramatic.”

“I’m not,” Quinn insisted. “You are living the life I always dreaded having, except you divorced Finn.”

“See? I’m not you.”

“Rachel, please. I’m not saying you have to be with me. I’d love it, I have space in my apartment but I understand if you don’t want that.” Quinn stared directly in Rachel’s eyes, putting her whole heart into her words. “I want you to be happy and I don’t believe that you’ll be happy here. You would love New York. I know it. Even if you never stepped foot on stage again, I think that’s where you’re meant to be. All I’m asking is for you to consider it.”

Quinn waited for a long time for Rachel to mull over her words. Finally, Rachel looked up at her, an apprehensive look on her face. “I can’t, Quinn. This- this is a dream that I can’t have. I can’t give up what I have for a fantasy. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone. I have to stay here.”

“Okay. I don’t want to force you into anything.” Quinn bit her tongue, hoping that the pain would prevent her from crying.

“Quinn, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to end things like this.”

“It’s okay. You can’t help how you feel.” Quinn stood up, turning her back to Rachel.

“What- what do you want me to do? Do you want to eat still?” Rachel stood up as well, looking helplessly at Quinn.

“We can do whatever you want but that seems like it’d be a little uncomfortable.” Quinn pressed her forehead against the wall, trying to calm herself before she lashed out.

“I’m sorry.” Rachel wrapped her arms around Quinn’s waist, resting her head on her back. “I just don’t see any other way.”

“Don’t. Just don’t.” Quinn extracted herself from Rachel’s arms. “You are scared. That’s all this is about, Rachel.”

“No. No, that’s not true.”

“Yes. You’re terrified of going after what you really want. You’d rather stay here and settle than see if there’s something better,” Quinn accused.

“That’s not true. Just because we spent time in bed together, it doesn’t mean you know me.” Rachel glared, but couldn’t quite meet Quinn’s eyes.

“Give me a break. We both know I’m right. You just don’t want to admit it.”

“You overestimate yourself. I kept you around because you’re great in bed and so freaking pathetic for me that I barely have to show you any affection and you’re all over me.” Rachel’s eyes were heated and she laughed harshly.

“Wow, that was low.” Quinn swallowed the bile coming up and tried not to rise to the bait. Rachel was lying and trying to hurt her. She refused to give her the satisfaction of knowing she had succeeded.

“That’s just the way things are.” Rachel grabbed her purse. “I’m leaving. We’re done.”

“Yeah, we are.” Quinn forced herself to be still, even as she felt herself falling apart.

“Up until tonight, it was a good summer, Quinn. Honestly.” Rachel shrugged, looking incredibly distressed and uneasy.

“It was. Good bye.”

“Good bye.” Quinn closed her eyes and burst into tears the second the door shut. It was really and truly over.

\------------------

It really was amazing how quickly thinks could change. A month earlier, Quinn was in Ohio, making love to Rachel every chance she got. Now, she was back in New York and it was as though she and Rachel had never reconnected. They hadn’t spoken since the night everything blew up. Lila and Billy had called her a few times and she’d sent them some presents but other than that, her life was as empty as it had been before she’d seen Rachel again. In fact, it was worse because now Quinn knew what it was to have everything she’d ever wanted. And it wasn’t just the sex she missed. It was talking about their days. Laughing with the kids. It was simple, ordinary things that didn’t seem ordinary when she was doing them with Rachel. But all she was left with was loneliness. And yeah, she’d do it all again. That short time with Rachel and her kids- She couldn’t imagine anything better than that.

Quinn answered her phone and buzzed in the delivery man. She still needed to eat, even though she really didn’t care about food anymore. She opened the door and stopped short. Standing next to the skinny delivery man was a fidgeting Rachel Berry. “Whoa.”

“She came in when you buzzed me in.”

“It’s fine here. Keep the change.” Quinn handed him the money, her eyes never leaving Rachel.

“Hi,” Rachel said once they were all alone.

“Hi. Do you want to come in?”

“I do. But not if you don’t want me to. I ambushed you here.”

“No. I’m glad you’re here. Please come in.” Quinn shut the door behind her. “What are you doing here?”

Rachel inhaled deeply. “I came to apologize. I didn’t mean anything I said that night.”

“I know that. I knew it then.”

“I just wanted to hurt you.”

Quinn nodded. “Well, you did.”

“I’m sorry.” Rachel winced at Quinn’s cold tone. “I wanted to make you back off and I didn’t really think about what it would do to you.”

“I understand that,” Quinn said quietly. “But I don’t understand why you came all the way here to tell me that.”

Rachel nodded her head. “That’s not the only reason I’m here. I wanted to tell you that you were right.”

“I usually am,” Quinn quipped, needing to defuse the tension. “But still, that’s not a reason to come all this way.”

“I’m a coward. I let myself become so complacent with my life that I didn’t recognize when something good came into it.” Rachel’s lips curled into a smile. “You were too good to me.”

“No, that’s not true.”

“It is. You’re this beautiful, successful actress and I’m a small town teacher.” Rachel held up her hands to forestall Quinn’s protests. “It’s not a bad life, it’s just not the one I envisioned for myself. And I don’t want it. But for a long time, I didn’t want to admit that. I was so terrified of failing that I convinced myself that I couldn’t change it. But I’m ready. I’m not going to stop myself from being happy anymore.”

“What does that mean?” Quinn asked, hope spreading all over her face.

“I contacted some people and I found a private school whose music teacher quit unexpectedly. I start in a few weeks.” Rachel returned Quinn’s smile. “I live here now.”

“You do? What about the kids?”

“They’re at a hotel with my dads. I haven’t found a place to live yet.” Rachel walked over to Quinn. “I wanted to talk to you alone.”

“Why?”

“I pushed you away but I didn’t mean it. I’m wondering if it’s too late.”

“Too late?” Quinn repeated, her mind racing with the words Rachel spoke.

“This summer wasn’t a fling for me. Or a game. I’m not a person who has casual sex. You were the first since my divorce.” Rachel hesitated before grabbing Quinn’s waist. “I acted like an asshole because you made me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time. Maybe ever. I’m hoping I didn’t push you away for good. Because I love you and I’d like to give this a try.”

Quinn forced herself to remain still, even though her first instinct was to throw herself into Rachel’s arms. “Rachel, do you realize what you’re saying? I still love you, I might always love you. But if we start this and you don’t follow through, it would destroy me. I managed to get it together after this summer but I won’t survive it if I have you for real and lose you. I just won’t.”

“You won’t lose me. Quinn, I’m sure. The minute I left you, I knew I’d made a mistake. I wanted to turn around and make it up to you.” Rachel squeezed Quinn’s waist and tugged her closer. “But I knew that I would hurt you if I wasn’t prepared to deal with everything else that was going on in my life. So I got it together. I’m not running scared anymore.”

“Rachel,” Quinn murmured, resting her forehead against Rachel’s. “You’re saying everything I ever wanted from you. It doesn’t seem real.”

“What about this? Is this real?” Rachel kissed her hard and fast, pouring more passion into that kiss than Quinn had ever felt before.

“Hmm. I’m not convinced. Kiss me again,” Quinn teased.

“Gladly.” Rachel kissed her again, slower this time but no less fervent. She let her hands up Quinn’s back, almost as though she couldn’t get enough.

After several minutes of kissing, Quinn pulled back and led Rachel to the couch. She collapsed, yanking Rachel onto her lap. “This is nice but we still have to talk.”

“I know,” Rachel said, playing with the hair at Quinn’s neck. “I don’t expect this to be easy. I know we can’t just fall into a relationship and live happily ever after.”

“No, it won’t be simple. But I want to be with you, Rachel.” Quinn pressed her cheek to Rachel’s. “I know it’s crazy, too fast, but I don’t care. I want you to move in with me.”

Rachel looked at her with wide, hopeful eyes. “What?”

“If you don’t think it right for the kids, that’s fine. Or if you need your space.” Quinn couldn’t resist kissing Rachel’s cheek. “But I’ve got a guest room and an office so Billy and Lila can have their own rooms.”

“This isn’t a spur of the moment thing, is it?” Rachel looked at Quinn closely.

“No,” Quinn breathed the word directly into Rachel’s ear. “I started making plans the first time we made love.”

“Quinn.” Rachel attempted to pull back but Quinn held her in place.

“I know it’s nuts and I tried to be okay with a fling but even that first night, I wanted more.” Quinn smiled, flashing back to their summer together. “After we got out of bed and checked on the kids, my heart filled up. It felt like we were a family.”

“Yeah, we were.” Rachel lifted her head, cupping Quinn’s face in her hand. “I- When you left, that’s part of what I missed. It was like we fit together. Not that you replaced Finn in our family but you made a place of your own with us.”

A shadow passed over Quinn’s face. “What will Finn think of all this?”

“He probably won’t be happy.” Rachel glanced away. “He complained when I told him about the move but there’s not anything he can do about it.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want your life to be a mess because of me.”

“Silly girl.” Rachel squeezed the chin she had in her hand. “This had to happen, you or not. That’s why I accepted that job before I told you anything. I couldn’t have you be the only reason I uprooted my life. That would have been way too much pressure.”

“What if Finn sues for custody or something?” Quinn asked, still wary of the situation.

“He could but it probably wouldn’t change anything. He doesn’t live in Lima fulltime so I’m not depriving him of time with his children. He can change his routes to bring him closer to New York.” Rachel used to her thumb to trace Quinn’s lip. “It wouldn’t be feasible for Finn to try to change the custody agreement. He’s not going to be a problem.”

“I’m glad.” Quinn kissed Rachel’s thumb. “I don’t want to put myself in the middle of Finn’s relationship with Lila and Billy. I just want to love them.”

“I know. And they love you, too.” Rachel smiled. “I never dreamed that I could have this. When Finn and I got married and I got pregnant, everything was difficult. There were good times but mostly, it was worry. Trying to work and finish school. I never dreamed that I could be happy like this. It’s like I woke up from a nightmare. I’m going to live in the city I love with my kids and the girl I love. Even if this is the best it ever gets, I think this is pretty damn good.”

“Better than good.” Quinn cover Rachel’s mouth with her own.

After a long while, Rachel rested her head on Quinn’s shoulder. “You’re awfully good at that, you know.”

“I think it’s you. I think I was made to love you.” Quinn groaned. “I sound like an idiot.”

“No, you’re sweet.” Rachel snuggled even closer to her. “Back to what we were talking about earlier. If you’re sure, I’d like to live with you.”

Quinn smiled. “I’d love it. We can fix the kids’ rooms however they want. Paint, wallpaper, whatever they want.”

“Wait. You’re rambling like me. But this will be great. We talk about it tomorrow with them. The two of us together, exactly the way it should be.” Rachel kissed her again.

“Yeah,” Quinn sighed. “Can we go get Billy and Lila now?”

Rachel grinned, clutching at Quinn as hard as she could. “You really missed them, huh?”

“I do. I didn’t realize how close we got until I was back here.” Quinn looked away, unable to meet Rachel’s eyes. “After I messed up Senior Yeah, I kind of accepted that I wouldn’t have kids in my life. I’m not saying I’m their parent, I know that’s something that will take some time. But it’s like I’ve got a family now.”

“You do. We are your family.” Rachel leaned in until they were nose to nose. “I happen to think that any child would be lucky to have you in their life.”

Quinn sucked in a breath, her emotions starting to fray. She wanted Lila and Billy but the thought of any other kid wasn’t something she was prepared to deal with yet. “Rachel-”

“I’m not saying right now. We’ve obviously got a lot going on. But you were right a few months ago when you said I was still young. And so are you.” Rachel wiped the tears from Quinn’s eyes. “You’ve got so much love to give. I don’t want you cutting yourself off from giving it.”

“I-” Quinn couldn’t talk, a lump in her throat. In her whole life, no one had ever made her feel as loved at Rachel did.

“Oh, Baby, I didn’t meant to make you cry.” Rachel gazed at her, a worried look on her face. “We don’t have to talk about this right now.”

“No, it’s fine. You didn’t upset me. I just love you so much and I can’t believe you love me back.” Quinn tugged Rachel down for another kiss. “You make me so happy.”

“Good. Because that’s all I want.” Rachel pressed her cheek to Quinn’s. “I love you, too.”

Quinn laughed. “God, this is so crazy. I can’t believe it’s happening.”

“Is it too much?”

“No. At least not for me.” Quinn stopped, considering her words. “I know people will question it but I’m positive this is what I want. So long as you’re sure.”

“I am.” Rachel kept her hold on Quinn. “Things got out of control so fast. I was married and pregnant and then I had two kids. Before I knew it was settled into a life in a place I never intended. I was sleepwalking. But when I’m with you, it’s like every inch of me is full of energy. I know I’m exactly when I should be.”

“Me, too.” Quinn nipped at Rachel’s lips mischievously. “I can’t get enough of you.”

“You don’t have to. It’s you and me, Quinn.” Rachel returned Quinn’s lips with some of her own. “For always.”

“That sounds perfect to me.” Quinn couldn’t stop looking, touching, tasting. She finally had Rachel in her arms for real but it still seemed like she could disappear at any moment. Luckily, she had plenty of time for it to sink in. Rachel was here and she’d stay for a long, long time.


End file.
